It's Your Own Accord

Onesimus was so nervous. He was sitting on a rock, with his head in between his knees, trying to ward off the dizzy sensation crowding his vision. It was a warm day, and the breeze should have been soothing to his soul. He wanted to toss his lunch of lentils into the bushes, though.

He was only ten or so minutes from his former, and technically current, master.

Onesimus had tried to ignore the nudging in his spirit to go back to Philemon's household and make things right. He'd tried to tell God that it was unnecessary, that Philemon wouldn't care anymore, and that his place was studying under Paul.

However, God must had given Paul some insight into Onesimus' situation, because Paul started asking him questions. Then, Paul started teaching about forgiveness. Eventually, Onesimus broke, but how do you feign ignorance against the Almighty and His stubborn apostle?

Onesimus sat there for a long time, trying to delay the inevitable. Sooner or later, he would need to face his past. He was done running away. God had called him to so much more then that sorry excuse of a life. He pushed himself off the rock. Onesimus checked the small traveling sack for the most important thing he could have taken on this journey. He bypassed the bread, dried figs, and wine skin filled with water. He sighed in relief when he saw it was still there. He had double checked this sack a hundred times, always fearing it had fallen out somewhere.

However, Paul's letter to Philemon was safe and sound.

                                                                                                                                   

Philemon couldn't believe it. He didn't believe his ears when a servant tending the livestock had come running through the house into the room where the majority of his family and servants were having devotions. He didn't believe his eyes as he watched him finish the remainder of his trek to the side entrance. He didn't believe it when he had stood before the younger man just moments ago. After all this time, there was Onesimus.

Before Philemon's mind could comprehend anything else, Onesimus had shoved a letter to him. Excusing himself, he took the letter into the abandoned devotional room so he could read in private.

He scanned the letter.

What?

The letter started off okay. It was from his dear friend, Paul. Paul had traveled through this city several times, and one day, thank God, they met. Paul had just started teaching in Philemon's home when Onesimus had disappeared.

Philemon shook his head ruefully. He had been a terribly cruel master. He was stubborn, and rough. His bark was just as painful as his bite.

A lot has changed. 

Paul started off thanking him, and singing his praises. Then, Paul switched gears. He explained that Onesimus' path had crossed his, and later on, Onesimus was saved. Apparently, Onesimus had grown in the Lord in leaps and bounds. However, it became clear to the both of them, that the Lord was leading Onesimus to return to Philemon, and make amends. 

Only Onesimus wasn't making amends. Paul was on his behalf.

Philemon reread the letter. "But I preferred to do nothing without your consent, in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord."

He clenched his jaw shut. He tended to grind his teeth when he was irritated, and right now he was plenty irritated.

"So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it   to say nothing of your owing me even your own self."

He snorted at the subtle reminder that Paul's obedience to share the gospel had literally saved his life.

"Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say."

Philemon sank onto one of the couches, the letter floating to the floor beside his feet. Running his hand through his salt and pepper locks, he fought a war within his spirit.

I should forgive him...but he did betray me! However, Paul wants me to forgive him, and it would disappoint him if I harbored anger towards Onesimus...but Paul said he wanted this to be my choice...

Philemon left the safety of the room without really knowing what he was going to say to Onesimus. Would he kick him to the sycamore tree at the end of the road? Would he forgive Onesimus, but never really trust him again, holding onto that anger and distrust? Or would he forgive Onesimus, completely, totally, truly?

For once and for all?

The man in question was surrounded, giving hugs, answering questions, and asking questions of his own. Some of his servants saw him though, and within a breath, everyone had parted, leaving a clear path from him to Onesimus.

Onesimus looked terrified, and yet at peace. His nervousness was evident, but there was something in his demeanor that spoke of change.

"In order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord..."

Paul's words floated through his mind once again. He had a choice. A choice to extend love that mirror his Savior's, or to backslide into his old self.

He inhaled deeply. "Onesimus..." All eyes were glued to them, but Philemon didn't care. "Welcome back...my friend!" His voice broke on the last word. He meant it! In the instant, God had given him a love for Onesimus.

One that would forgive betrayals.


Based on the book of Philemon.

Philemon was in a difficult position. A betrayal from his past was made fresh. Onesimus had returned! Philemon was faced with a choice that we have all battled ourselves. How/Can/Do I forgive this person?

We all know this verse, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

And we know this verse, "For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you." John 13:15

We know what we should do.

But do we want to forgive? Is it in our heart? Or do we feel the "Christian compulsion" to forgive?

Paul told Philemon that he didn't want to force him to forgive Onesimus. He wanted him to do it of his own accord. It needed to be his choice. God is telling us the same thing. It is our choice to forgive. It is of our own accord. Otherwise, is it really forgiving?

Forgiveness is an act of love. Pure love that is one of the truest reflections of Jesus Christ. He is love and forgiveness.

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." Luke 6:35

"Then he adds, 'I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more.'" Hebrews 10:17

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

It is our choice to love someone like Jesus. It is our choice to forgive with love like Jesus. No one can force you. It's not always easy. It's certainly not fun. God would not give us more then we could bear, and He forgave the world for so much...

Jesus loved by forgiving, and He forgave by loving. You get to choose just how much you will reflect Jesus in your life.


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